The Misery We Deserve

Photo by Markus Spiske

She was young, not quite 20, with hot pink hair, a black tank top, and the matching glint of nose and navel piercing. “I’m used to being miserable because of choices I made,” She mused, reflecting on a recent break up, “But it’s the first time I’ve been miserable because of someone else.”

And I thought about how some experiences with pain might mean progress, how letting ourselves be impacted by others is a part of connection and meaning.

I also thought about my own experiences inviting misery through my choices. And I realized that even if we choose things that lead to suffering, even though we're responsible for our choices, it doesn't mean that we deserve to suffer. That's shame talking, and shame is a liar.

Everyone is made for love and belonging. That's what I believe God is, in part: enveloping love without exception. We're far more likely to make horrendous choices out of fear that we're the unlovable case, the irredeemable. That fear may even drive us to try…